In my orgasm fantasies, I imagine my partner is sleeping with other (unidentified) women with large breasts. I cum especially when I imagine him with his ex (when he sleeps with her or she performs oral sex on him).
In the past, almost twenty years ago, the relationship (the “friends” but an ambivalent one) that my partner had with his ex-girlfriend inflicted on me a lot of pain, although I’m sure today there was no affair behind me.
I am an independent, successful and handsome woman. Pretty sure of my sexuality. I shared with him my orgasm fantasy about the “foreign” women, but not my fantasy of his ex.
Your orgasm fantasy in which you watch your partner having sex with different women reflects your deep inner experience that you are the little one who stays out while the big ones having relationships. The large breasts of those women are probably related to the fact that in your experience you are still a girl and they are adult women. There is also a masochistic element in your fantasy. Your partner’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend caused you pain and yet this is the most stimulating fantasy for you. It does make sense that you have feared this connection over the years but have chosen it to satisfy yourself.
I believe this fantasy reflects your feeling at a very young age in which you stay out of the intimate bond that exists between your parents. They are the big and important ones doing all sorts of things while you are not at the center and less important. You watch them from the outside as in your fantasy.
In everyday life, it seems to me that you should pay attention to the fact that sometimes it might be difficult for you to take the place you deserve with different people – your spouse, friends, at work and the like. The orgasm fantasy is not recreated in every interaction but it is definitely present in some of them. In those moments you will give others the stage and not take for yourself the place you deserve.
It seems to me that you have nothing to fear from telling your partner your orgasm fantasy. For you it is the biggest secret and you are afraid that it will be a confirmation for him to realize it. But this is your fantasy and not his and you are allowed to imagine what you want without risking it becoming a reality. But the mutual sharing of these intimate fantasies and even the ability to play them freely in the bedroom creates a very great closeness and love.
Tamar, good luck!