I easily climax when I imagine a man penetrating me from behind. I am surprised and it’s also a little bit painful. It seems that he is doing it against my will but actually I cooperate with him because I understand his needs. I come at the moment I sacrifice myself to him and let him do with me whatever he wants.
I also suffer from bulimia in which I can consume a lot of food in a short time and later feel physically and mentally terrible. Besides this I am a well-functioning woman. I wonder if there is any connection between my orgasm fantasy and my bulimia.
You don’t describe the main themes of your dreams and conscious thoughts and you don’t provide any details about your past. Nevertheless, it seems there might be a connection between your bulimia attacks and your orgasm fantasy, because both are masochistic. You climax when you imagine that someone imposes himself on you and you punish yourself by imposing overeating on yourself.
Reflecting on your behavior I am sure you can find many situations in which you relive the relationship between the characters in your orgasm fantasy in your spontaneous everyday reactions. We call it your default response. You may tend to blame yourself or take too much responsibility, or feel you are worthless in situations that don’t justify this feeling. Probably without being aware of it you recreate and reconstruct the experience from your orgasm fantasy in which the other person is the important one and you have to suffer for him or her.