I read the article in Haaretz and experienced insight by your explanation that we tend to revive our orgasm fantasy relations in our everyday life. My orgasm fantasy is about threesome. Myself and two other men. The dynamic may change – sometimes I am the passive one and the interaction is taking place between them and sometimes I am in the center. Throughout my life I had the tendency to get into romantic threesome – intruding others relations or allowing them get into mine. I have never understood why it always has happened to me. Now I understand the connection between my orgasm fantasy and this inclination of mine to create threesome. Recently I gave birth to a son. It would be interesting to see if I am going to create again threesome with my spouse and son.
Dear Hagit
First, I would like to ask you not to use your real name but to change it as I did for you in this case in order not to be identified by others.
What you wrote Hagit is very interesting and I am glad to hear about your insight. I believe that you correctly understand the connection between your orgasm fantasy in which you fantasized about threesome and your inclination to revive this fantasy in your everyday behavior by getting into romantic threesome. You mention that each time it is a different constellation – either you are in the center or you are passive and they are interacting between them. Remember that we are not interested in the content (in this case whether you are in the center or not) but in the nature of relations between the characters in your orgasm fantasy – it is not a dyadic relation but threesome! This is what I meant saying that the content of the relations may change but not the nature of relations between the characters. Couple’s relations are very different from threesome ones. In couple’s relations there is intimacy and in threesome one is always remains as outsider. Threesome is a group with all the manipulations that may exist within it. I assume that it is difficult for you to create close intimate relations and you escape into romantic threesome. Probably it started very early in your life in your relations with your parents in which you didn’t have close relations with one of them but more of an attempt to either separate between them or use all kind of manipulations in this triangle. Of course, it started from your parents’ attitude towards you and it is not your responsibility. Later you revived it in your mature everyday life without being aware of it.
Congratulation for the birth of your son. Are you going to revive this tendency to threesome also with your spouse and son? Not necessarily. It depends on you. If you are aware of it you may control this tendency and not let it control you. Try to develop close and intimate relations with each one of them and letting them also have their intimacy and try not to get into all kind of manipulations. A lot of sincerity as you exhibited in your letter may help.
I wish you success!
Ofer